Nothing terrifies me more than being so close to someone and then watching them become a stranger again.
You couldn’t read my words, you couldn’t really understand my sentences, you couldn’t understand why I paused after a certain sentence or why I ended a sentence with an exclamation mark rather than a full stop. You could read my headlines, but you didn’t even care what I’m trying to say, you didn’t know if it’s a misleading headline or a headline that has nothing to do with what I’m truly trying to say. In other words you couldn’t sum me up actually.
When I used to write about loving you, you knew that I can’t sleep at night while thinking about you. I wrote about feelings and those moments of my life when life was wondrous and I was mesmerized. A feeling that struck me once that I can’t forget.
I used to write about how you made me feel because I loved that feeling — not you.
When I write about missing you, I write about the person you used to be, the person you pretended you were or the person I thought you were. I write about who I thought you were and the things you made me believe in. I miss the rush of emotions, the whopping smile on my face when I saw your name on my phone, the bright future that I painted in all my favorite colors and I miss that moment I realized that I’m capable of loving you unconditionally.
I write about missing you and everything relating to you, but that doesn’t mean I want to call you, text you or I want you back. I will miss you as an inspiration always.
My words are a reflection of me; they can be controverted, they can be wise, they can be silly, they can be insane, they can be idealistic, they can be flawed, they can be harsh and they can be fragile. My words can be a lot of things, but they will always be real.
I’m an open book and I write about the fine details, but you were never a detail-oriented person so you will never understand the depth of my words.
I was an open book in front of you, you could flip through my pages, you won’t be able to pin me down again, it takes more than reading from a distance to know me, it takes more than words to figure me out and it takes a lot more than reading to know my story but you never had the courage to finish the story till the end.